what's in a name?

When I hear the term "juvenile delinquent" I can't help but think: badass.  Which I totally am.  So that's fitting.  But if we break it down:

ju·ve·nile

   noun: a young person; youth

   adjective: immature; childish; infantile

de·lin·quent

   adjective: failing in or neglectful of a duty or obligation; guilty of a misdeed or offense. past

   due; overdue.

You've probably heard type 1 diabetes referred to as juvenile diabetes, given its occurrence in children and youth. 

Juvenile is a good name to pin on this blog because I am so new to this; my diabetes is in its infancy.  My goal is to record as I'm learning.

I also tend to be pretty crass, sarcastic...juvenile.  That's how I deal with things that make me uncomfortable.  Make a joke, pick fun.

Delinquent is a little harder to define.  Although it's not unusual to see an onset of type 1 diabetes in young adults, it's a little shocking to find out it's YOU.  It feels like you're a part of a joke but late getting to the punch line.   Especially when the rules of rounding put you closer to 30 than 20.

Delinquent is also a good word to describe my attitude throughout this process.  At first it was denial; being deliberately late to accept the truth.  Acceptance, when it came, was accompanied by depression.  That definition, "neglectful of a duty or obligation" is a perfect description of the mean cloud I lived in.  For months I neglected my role as a wife, a friend, a coworker, a sister, daughter, you name it.  I was so consumed with anger, disappointment, and jealousy that I chose to avoid interaction and wallow instead in my self-pity.

This blog is my way of expressing the emotions than I find impossible to say out loud.  I haven't invited anyone to read it, and I don't know that I will.  I can say that I'm not in a place of deliquency any longer.  But if I fall behind on my emotional rent again, I hope this is a place where I can turn it around.