yuck

Working Good Friday and a low around 50 hits. <--sounds like my ideal weather report. Didn't feel like eating so I went to my work stash of Hawaiian Punch.

Talk about a sugar rush.

I've been cutting my juice with water and living on diet sodas long enough now to have forgotten just how sweet sugar is.

It's kind of gross. Sickening. Nauseating.

I actually don't miss it. And I spent my formative years chugging McDonald's sweet tea with a Mountain Dew chaser.

dumb and doma

Y'all, I live in the South. North Carolina born and raised. (spin it like a helicopter!...no?) A state that just this past summer voted to add a constitutional amendement that defines marriage as 1 man + 1 woman.

Boy, I am not proud.

With Supreme Court hearings this week concerning California's Prop 8 and DOMA legistlation, my Facebook newsfeed has been blowing up with arguements, opinions, and red equals signs.

People on both sides of this debate get ridiculous, but there is one group of folks that just dumbfounds me:

The parents who righteously oppose marriage equality.

Why?

Because it's my opinion that no human can know the meaning of "unconditional love" like a parent does. I can only imagine holding your child for the first time and feeling the overwhelming truth of God's grace and mercy rush in.

We don't get to decide whom we love.

And I don't buy into "love the sinner, hate the sin". That's not love. That sin that you find so detestable in a person is woven into the fabric of their very being. It is as much a part of them as his eyes or her laugh. Hating a person's orientation is the same as hating the sinner.

And I'm sorry, I just can't hate people's kids. Maybe I get mad at them for walking through my grass or driving recklessly through our neighborhood, but I refuse to hate them for loving differently than I do.

So to my friends with kids: when I see you post against gay marriage, I always have to wonder how you would react if your child had a closet to come out of.

Never EVER would I want my son or daughter to feel like they are unnatural, dysfunctional, or anything less than how God desired. How could I preach the love of Jesus Christ and yet want to deny my children the respect and value that they deserve?

I hope those friends's kids all turn out to be nice, straight boys and girls for the simple fact that no child should have to face fear, shame, and disappointment at the hands of their parents.

But if even one of them blossoms into a gay adult, I hope that those same parents find it in their hearts to mourn NOT the loss of a son or daughter, but instead mourn a culture that discriminates against a social minority.

I would be devastated if my children couldn't safely create and raise their own families all because their lifestyle was deemed inferior to my own.

God created every living thing with a purpose, and I believe he created gays lovingly - not as an abomination. Maybe it is the pupose of the homo sapien to teach the hetero sapien about love.

you just had to go and tell them

You get a lot of different reactions when you tell someone you're diabetic.

My BFF had carb-counting booklets all ready to go along with her matter-of-fact-yet-upbeat attitude. Homegirl is going to be the world's best registered dietician.

My little sister shared love and support in what I can only assume was a heart-warming phone conversation. She called me after. eleven. thirty. PM. on a weeknight. College kids...

My eternally eloquent sister-in-law kept her reaction concise as "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck" (her words).

My bikini-wax girl shared that her boss is Type 1. <--yes, I have a bikini-wax girl, and she and my husband are logically neck-and-neck in their intimate knowledge of my dramatic weight loss plus tummy bruising, so there was a legit need to share here.

My father-in-law, a type 2, offered his finger ET-style. All that needed to be said passed between our tender pokey fingers.

My college girlfriend asked how this would affect our plans to start a family, and lovingly offered prayers plus the contact information of her Type 1 friend.

But a lot of times you hear stuff like:
...but you're so skinny!
...do you eat a lot of junk food?
...are you on insulin pills?

I even had a coworker (reminder: medical professional) tell me that "it goes away sometimes" because she knows a girl who had weight loss surgery and her diabetes got better. <--maybe the JDRF should look into this ground-breaking miracle cure?

I'm realizing there are a lot of misconceptions about diabetes. My current struggle is in figuring out how to be the best advocate for diabetes when I hear cringeworthy stuff. I mean, do you smile and nod, letting the misguided carry on on with their good intentions? Do you correct them and risk sounding all preachy? Do you drop it and act super awkward because they just called you skinny and seriously - how awkward is that?

And suddenly everyone has a "bad diabetic" story - you know: that uncle who "didn't take his care of himself" then went all Augustus Gloop at the Golden Corral chocolate wonderfall.



Awkward.

opposites attract

I feel like a zombie today.

I've eaten every hour on the hour but I can't keep my blood sugar up to where I feel human.

But I just saw a diagnosis code for DKA on a patient, so it could be worse.

sugar-free dream

Talk about a weird dream.

I dreamt that I picked up a whole grocery cart of sugar-free Jello and decided to stack all the little boxes in a mostly-empty kitchen cabinet. <--should have tipped me off that I was dreaming. My kitchen cabinets runneth over.

Anyway, I say "mostly empty" because it was home to a few pieces of Easter candy. To make room, I figured it couldn't hurt to just eat the candy. Of course, dream candy trumps real candy because it magically doubles when you eat it. I couldn't make any headway because the more candy I ate, the more appeared.

Wouldn't you know: I woke up in a cold sweat cursing the damn Easter bunny.

juicy

I finished my second insulin pen this week. Woo!



2 pens = 4 weeks = 56 needles

Yes, I discard my sharps into an empty orange juice carton. It was what I had on hand at the time I started injections, but there's a little irony at play. Orange juice (=all juice) is wicked high in carbs. It's one thing I've given up almost completely. And quite sadly, I might add. Now it's a treat I give myself on the weekends, if I scale back my cereal bowl. This is what a serving of orange juice looks like:



1/2 cup orange juice

My juice glasses used to be, well...juice glasses. Now our cupboard is home to a half-pint mason jar, all for me. I love that it has a line for 4 ounces (4 measly ounces!) so my early morning measuring skills can be on point.

snacks

I have a snacking problem. 

I'm not just talking about an overindulgence problem.  I'm talking about a pathological, hoarders-esque food problem.

Like, bitch is crazy.

For example, as a kid if I played at friends' houses,I both longed for and dreaded snack time.  One Little Debbie donut stick, a couple handfuls of Cheez-Its...it was never enough.  I wanted 3 donut sticks, half a box of Cheez-Its. I watched my friends closely so I could be sure not to eat more than they did (even little girls may judge you), but once the box would go back into the pantry I became immediately resentful.

At home I looooved to eat out of spite.  I was awake for breakfast on time and my sister wasn't? Fine, I'll be sure to bite the crunchy tips off of all your bacon. You're eyeing that last piece of cake? I'll be sure to save you a bite.

I know Eric notices. I can't imagine what it's like sharing a bag of chips with me. We start off normally - one for you, one for me...but something takes over and I insist on holding the bag and eating to my heart's content while being just generous enough to offer you a crumb every third commercial break. 

I even secret-eat.  More than once, I've made a grocery store run specifically for Duncan Hines chocolate frosting (obviously this was before diabetes). I'd make a deal with myself: one spoonful for every chore done or homework question answered. Within no time, it would morph into me hiding the can of frosting at the back of the pantry or OMG in my freaking closet. Once, I was so embarrassed that I snuck a spoon out to the fence under the pretense of "I'll just take the dog for a potty" and polished the rest of my frosting can off. <--seriously, who does this?

You would think that at some point in my life, I've had food taken away from me or at least limited in some way. Exact opposite. My dad worked for a snack food company, for crying out loud! I've never had to go hungry or worry about food. But I DO worry about food! I worry that it will never be enough, and maybe I should keep munching because munching makes me happy. The taste, the feeling, the indulgence.

As a new diabetic, this has easily been my greatest struggle. You don't just go from smuggling frosting to being a smart snacker in a day. I'm still the worst about making deals with myself. Now it's: I'll just check my blood sugar and if it's below ___ I can have a snack. It's not healthy.

In fact, it's disgusting.

That's why I'm cracking down on snacking.

First of all, have you ever eaten a single serving size of anything? Do you even know what one looks like? I had no clue, and now it's imperative for me to know how many carbs are going into my body. So now my routine is this:

Pick out a snack at the grocery store. Bring it home. Open it. Calculate a 15 gram serving of carbs. Measure out that amount. Package into plastic bags. Do this for the entire bag/box of food.



15 grams of carbs = 1/2 cup Cheez-Its

15 grams carbs = 1/3 cup Baby Goldfish

(Have you noticed I have an orange snack foods addiction?)

Then I pile all the plastic baggies in a snack basket for my pantry.



Look at all those delicious snacks!

Doing this means I'm limited in how much I can mindlessly eat. No more sitting on the couch with some Oreos and plowing through half the bag before settling on a tv show (ps. why isn't anything good on tv?). Now I pick a bag, sit down, eat sloooooowly, and make the conscious decision NOT to walk back to the pantry.

Of course, string cheese and salted peanuts are fair game :)